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Friday, June 8, 2012

Don't Anger All the Dogs in the Neighborhood (with a nod to DirecTV)

So even though I understood the neck brace was supposed to limit neck flexion and extension which meant I can't look down, the full ramifications of this didn't hit me until after I spent some time strolling the neighborhood walking paths.  The non-neck brace wearing population are likely blissfully unaware of the benefits of being able to see where you put your feet.  Below are some charts I prepared based on my research (margin of error +/- 15%):

You can clearly see that most of the world are able safely to place their feet willy nilly without taking extra precautions.  When your neck can be flexed so you can fully take in your surroundings, your eyes send a signal to your feet alerting them of the dangers ahead.  Wearers of the cervical collar are deprived of this  previously taken-for-granted skill. 

My exhaustive research efforts over the past 10 days are represented below:

That's right, five out of ten walks result in dog mess on your shoes.  After my last session of shoe cleaning, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I contacted my neighborhood homeowners association and lodged a formal complaint.  Clearly, the ordinances requiring pet-owners to bag their pet's offerings were not being enforced strictly enough.  On top of that, the owners who wouldn't pick up after themselves couldn't be bothered to lead their dogs to the grassy area to go where walkers would be far less likely to encounter it.  My suggestion was for stiffer penalties for violations:  Owners caught violationg the ordinance would be made to clean up the pathway.  Pet violators would be required to wear sandwich boards proclaiming their status:

After lodging my complaint, apparently word spread among the canine population.  The next day, when I stepped out of my house I encountered a mountain of dog poo on my front steps.  So the lesson I've learned here is, take care of your spine. Because if you don't, you wind up wearing a neck brace and fouling your shoes while out on a walk and when you complain to the community association about it, all the dogs conspire to do their business in your front yard. 


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Two-level anterior cervical discectomy and fusion scheduled for May 29th. Herniated discs at C4-5 and C5-6 indenting the cord with significant kyphosis.

I am not a medical professional. The information contained in this blog is not intended to be nor is it medical advice. Nothing contained herein should be considered a substitute for consultation with a qualified health professional.